Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Stuck in a Rut

So a year ago in counseling, The counselor was doing some explaining to us on the mind. How your mind will take the easiest possible route to something and sometimes it's a bad route, so the more you "allow" your mind to take this easy route the more engrained it becomes in being the route. Becoming an awful rut. Then if u want to de-rut, you need to intentionally try to create a new path, and this requires a lot of intentional consistency, because ur mind just wants to default to that rut, avoid the hardship of climbing out of the rut, the challenge of forging a new path, building something new.
So, the last 6 months, my default, my rut has been to blame, be resentful, impatient (with Quinn's requests for help). Freedom Session is challenging me now to counter those bad character defaults. So today I said to God I would start small, find a sliver of thankfulness, and start to de-rut.

Today's sliver of thankfulness starts with our daughter:
I've been feeling and having these random thoughts about Grace the last couple weeks. About how blessed we are to been given her. A girl, which was my true desire in pregnancy. A girl, despite a year plus of hardship, the grace of God to give Grace to us. A healthy baby girl, a really healthy baby.
During pregnancy I did think we were having a boy, I didn't think Quinn had girls in him, lol. Proof to me anyways that God creates and God decides when you'll have a baby, and what gender baby will be. Incredible to me that God lent us Grace. This is turning j to more than a sliver. :). I feel kinda helpless in parenting sometimes and know ill make lots of mistakes. I now look back at my parents and KNOW they weren't perfect, hands FULL with 5 kids and I can see how much and so many ways God is in control of our lives. Yes, he gives us parents here, but we're his kids and He can use many other people and many other ways to draw us to Him, cause I won't do it perfectly, Quinn won't, God can. Praise God. The perfect Father, Grace and Caden are from him, these little creatures, beautiful as they are, did not just come from Quinn and I. They're way too intricate and detailed to be spontaneous. God creates and He sustains, God you rule and you reign.

Ok, so I hope to continue de-rutting and I thought posting it allows me to write and the words just flow when I'm intentionally writing. if just thinking or trying to pray it in my mind, I'm too easily distracted (squirrel!). Writing works for me. Here we go.

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