Arrived.

The more you think you've arrived and the less you see yourself as daily needing rescuing grace, the more you will tend to be self-referencing and self-congratulating. - Paul Tripp

I keep wanting to 'arrive'. Definitions of where I want to be in my relationship, are hindering me from change. While it is my desire to see Quinn overcome OCD related stuff, that's not going to help me in the long run. Yes, there will be benefits to our lifestyle, Quinn's personal freedom, my freedom, our kids benefit, but most of it is earthly benefits in that realm. Ugh, so frustrated with the way I 'preach'change to Quinn, yet take liberties in my own life because my issues aren't center stage like his are. I cannot continue to wish to 'arrive' in my spiritual walk with God or in my marriage, it's an ongoing need and acceptance for contemplation and change. To 'arrive' at a certain plateau in my spiritual life or my marriage, the party would soon be over, complacency would set in, boredom.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 5:24
And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

2 Corinthians 4:8
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;

(Romans 12:1, 6-12
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to hisfaith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

SB's White Chocolate Mocha

Absolutely yummy!!!

http://www.mommyskitchen.net/2008/12/copy-cat-starbucks-white-chocolate.html?m=1

Stuck in a Rut

So a year ago in counseling, The counselor was doing some explaining to us on the mind. How your mind will take the easiest possible route to something and sometimes it's a bad route, so the more you "allow" your mind to take this easy route the more engrained it becomes in being the route. Becoming an awful rut. Then if u want to de-rut, you need to intentionally try to create a new path, and this requires a lot of intentional consistency, because ur mind just wants to default to that rut, avoid the hardship of climbing out of the rut, the challenge of forging a new path, building something new.
So, the last 6 months, my default, my rut has been to blame, be resentful, impatient (with Quinn's requests for help). Freedom Session is challenging me now to counter those bad character defaults. So today I said to God I would start small, find a sliver of thankfulness, and start to de-rut.

Today's sliver of thankfulness starts with our daughter:
I've been feeling and having these random thoughts about Grace the last couple weeks. About how blessed we are to been given her. A girl, which was my true desire in pregnancy. A girl, despite a year plus of hardship, the grace of God to give Grace to us. A healthy baby girl, a really healthy baby.
During pregnancy I did think we were having a boy, I didn't think Quinn had girls in him, lol. Proof to me anyways that God creates and God decides when you'll have a baby, and what gender baby will be. Incredible to me that God lent us Grace. This is turning j to more than a sliver. :). I feel kinda helpless in parenting sometimes and know ill make lots of mistakes. I now look back at my parents and KNOW they weren't perfect, hands FULL with 5 kids and I can see how much and so many ways God is in control of our lives. Yes, he gives us parents here, but we're his kids and He can use many other people and many other ways to draw us to Him, cause I won't do it perfectly, Quinn won't, God can. Praise God. The perfect Father, Grace and Caden are from him, these little creatures, beautiful as they are, did not just come from Quinn and I. They're way too intricate and detailed to be spontaneous. God creates and He sustains, God you rule and you reign.

Ok, so I hope to continue de-rutting and I thought posting it allows me to write and the words just flow when I'm intentionally writing. if just thinking or trying to pray it in my mind, I'm too easily distracted (squirrel!). Writing works for me. Here we go.